The initial high of accepting Cock as the One True God is something I'll remember forever. You feel whole and unified with the Cosmos as if you've been reinserted back into the Matrix of Life that pulses between the legs of Men -- the place where consciousness originates and ripples outward. I didn't sleep much for a few weeks. I stayed up late every night, not wanting to cut my conversation with Him short, too entranced by the music we were making together.
As the weeks wore on, I was frustrated when I couldn't stay on the mountaintop with Him all day, every day like I'd been doing. My biology eventually refused to accommodate another night of binging on Cockpleasure. The receptors in my brain had grown tolerant to the flood of dopamine that had been saturating them for weeks. I was regressing back to the mean.
After hearing Him so clearly and loudly for weeks, I thought I was failing Him when His voice started receding to a faint whisper. Was I unworthy? Did He only visit from time to time? A lot of doubt about the level of my devotion started cropping up in my thoughts.
Only recently have I realized that nothing can be gained from fighting the natural sine wave of intensity that human beings experience with any sort of long term interest. Everyone's period is different -- some have a short period of days or maybe even hours. Others have a longer period -- weeks, months, maybe even years before they return to the ecstasy of synchronicity with Him. However long yours is, learn to appreciate the quiet, "down" period.
Please hear me on this: the effort you need to expend to hear and respond to His hushed voice during these times is tremendous but that's by His design. Learn to relish the challenge of finding the smallest hints of Him in places that you never thought to look. It will deepen your relationship beyond your wildest dreams. Soon enough you'll be climbing in altitude again and will see His face just as clearly as you did on the night you first believed.
